The End of the World

(journal entry dated January 17, 2012, a Tuesday)

Noong bata pa ako, siguro nasa Grade 1 ako noon (I was 6 years old), I had this frightening notion na the end of the world was near—that the end of the world was nearing its 100^th year and once it reached that, then ‘yun na, the end of the world na.

Basta ang naaalala ko nang husto noon yung palabas sa TV tungkol sa isang lalaki na nakakapang-gamot ng sakit, etc. Propeta daw siya (sa pagkakatanda ko) at ipinalagay niya na matatapos na ang mundo at nagsabi siya ng petsa para dun.

Noong ipinapakita sa TV yung teaser para sa palabas na yun, natatakot ako. Kasi may mga kalansay na nag-e-espadahan, tapos meron pang bubuka daw ang lupa at kakainin or ililibing daw nang buhay ang mga tao…. Basta noong time na yun, yun ang umookupa sa isip ko. (Yun, tsaka Sesame Street. Ahehe).

Somehow, yung takot na yun na matatapos na ang mundo, na-associate ko sa Nanay ko. Inakala ko noon na ang Nanay ko ay 75 years old na, at dahil ilang taon na lang ay magiging 100 na siya, ikinatakot ko na malapit na siya mamatay.

Natatandaan ko pa noon, tinanong kami ng teacher namin kung alam daw ba namin kung ilang taon na ang mga magulang namin. Nasabi ko ata nang malakas na, “Ang nanay ko 75 na.” Nagtawanan ang mga kaklase ko…kasi yung mga nanay daw nila nasa 30+ years old lang. So yung nanay ko, mas matanda pa daw sa lola nila. At that point ata, dun ko na-realize na mali ang mga naiisip ko at walang basehan yung mga ikinakatakot ko. Basta ang alam ko, pagdating ng Grade 2, hindi ko na ata iniisip yung mga yun.

Pero nitong mga huling araw, parang nao-obssess ako sa subject ng katapusan ng mundo. Kasi nga may mga prophesies daw na ang katapusang daw ng mundo ay sa darating na December 21, 2012. That’s several months from now. I don’t know exactly how to see it or how to feel about it. Kasi, may scientific bases daw.

Andami kong tanong: Gaano ba katotoo yung mga scientific bases na yun? Or dapat pa bang kuwestiyonin kung totoo nga ba ang mga scientific bases ng mga prophesies since nariyan at nariyan naman palagi ang mga prophesies and nag-e-evolve din ang “basehan” nila para maka-convince?

Or maybe, the ancient writings have been true all along, and scientific inquiry is finally catching up in finding their veracity?

Or perhaps these ancient writings (or prophesies) just happen to jive (i.e. most of them, if not all, point to December 2012 as the end of life as we know it) and, thus “consolidated,” they now hold sway on our thinking, even that of our scientists, thus affecting their objectivity in going about their work?

Thinking about this now, I wonder if we can still go on boldly to dream about the future, or at least make plans for 2013. Is it wise to abandon any “professional” pursuits in favor of more “family togetherness,” more meditation, more work toward goodwill and compassion and humanity (at least until January 1, 2013)? Now, even I suspect my own motives for doing any of these things. I mean, would I be doing any of those things just so I could save my spiritual “ass” (for lack of a better expression)?

But then again, if I have just a couple of months to live, what would I do with them? Would I rather be with my family and loved ones as much as possible and let them know how much I love them? Or would I rather go out there and experience as much “earthly sensations” (ahehe) since I’d be losing this earthly life soon?

Of course, making a choice on this should come easy for anyone who truly knows himself. Basta ang concern ko, or rather one of my concerns, that is, is would I have lived my life on Earth in vain? Hmmm....


(note: The painting above is called "The Triumph of Death" by Pieter Bruegel the Elder.)