Sting and his father

(June 13 is my mother’s birthday. The feast day of St. Anthony. That’s why she’s “Antonita.” But since it’s Fathers’ Day, this “writeup” is about fathers. It could be about my father (whom I don’t get along with sometimes) or your father, or just about anyone whom we didn’t get along with and they died without us having expressed our love for them. I’m thinking if one day, years from now, after Tatay had passed on, I would be following the same line of thought as Sting did in this song. I think I would. I write this because Nanay would have liked me to write this, even if it’s her birthday.)

In 1989, Sting’s father died. Suffice it to say that Sting (Gordon Summers) and his father had a difficult relationship. In the song “Why Should I Cry for You?” Sting was questioning the conventions of showing love for someone. I heard somewhere that he did not attend his father’s funeral. Big rock star that he was then (and still is, in my opinion), he did not want to turn his father’s funeral into some kind of circus/carnival for the press, fans, etc. Had he been at the funeral and cried over his father, would that have sufficed as evidence of his love?

However, despite his seeming indifference, his father’s death was a terrible blow to him which took him years to come to terms with. And then in 1999, he released the album “Brand New Day,” which included the song “Ghost Story.” It begins at dusk:

I watch the western sky
The sun is sinking
The geese are flying south
It sets me thinking....

With the approaching night, Sting is haunted once again by the memory of his father.

I did not miss you much
I did not suffer
What did not kill me
Just made me tougher....

Despite this “obliviousness” to his father’s death, there was something about the winter landscape that was urging him to go to “trial” again—re-examine his feelings for his father.

I feel the winter come
His icy sinews
Now in the firelight
The case continues

Another night in court
The same old trial
The same old questions asked
The same denial....

He stays awake the whole night through, keeping himself warm by the fire, staring at it for answers, while all around him, the dark of the night awaits his defense.

The shadows closing 'round
Like jury members
I look for answers in
The fire's embers

Why was I missing then
That whole December?
I give my usual line:
I don't remember....

Was it a December when his father died? Or was he referring to that December of the year before his father died, which should have served as their last chance to be together for Christmas? In any case, Sting did not make it to be with his father that December. He assumed that with his busy schedule, not making it to the occasion was understandable; whatever he was busy with at the time was not worth mentioning: “I don’t remember….” But now, another December has come and haunts him with that memory:

Another winter comes
His icy fingers creep
Into these bones of mine
These memories never sleep....

And then he realizes that all those years, he had been making up all those excuses (a “cloak” which he wrapped himself in) so as not to be with his father.

And all these differences
A cloak I borrow....

Yet, despite their differences, despite the distance between them, Sting concludes nonetheless that he must have loved his father all the same:

We kept our distances
Why should it follow
I must have loved you?

Sting questions the gap in logic, though. “We hated each other, but how come I am now realizing I must have loved him?” The answer is a mystery, which Sting nevertheless provides: It is that force that renders all his resistance futile, his excuses lame, and his denials mere delusions; the most powerful, most mysterious force of them all: Love.

What is a force that binds the stars?
I wore this mask to hide my scars
What is the power that moves the tide?
Never could find a place to hide

What moves the earth around the sun?
What could I do but run and run and run?
Afraid to love, afraid to fail
A mast without a sail....

Dawn comes. Another “dark night of the soul” has passed. But this time, Sting has reached a resolution. He finally accepts his “defeat” by admitting that, while masquerading in indifference, everything he did and accomplished was for his father’s approval:

The moon's a fingernail
And slowly sinking
Another day begins
And now I'm thinking

That this indifference
Was my invention
When everything I did
Sought your attention....

He finally acknowledges that all this time, his father had always been his guide, idol, and hitherto an undiscovered source of enrichment.

You were my compass star
You were my measure
You were a pirate's map
Of buried treasure....

Sting ends the song with a recap of his conclusion, amid a bevy of folk instruments and strings on a steady rhythm.

If this was all correct
The last thing I'd expect
The prosecution rests
It's time that I confessed
I must have loved you
I must have loved you.

Sting titled the song "Ghost Story" because he thought ghosts are like that: "They haunt you until you acknowledge them."

I dedicate this song and this writeup to my father. I'm a Momma's boy, but at this early I'd like this to serve as a testimony of my love for him despite our differences. Happy Fathers' Day, everyone!

“Ghost Story” (Sting)