The End of the World

(journal entry dated January 17, 2012, a Tuesday)

Noong bata pa ako, siguro nasa Grade 1 ako noon (I was 6 years old), I had this frightening notion na the end of the world was near—that the end of the world was nearing its 100^th year and once it reached that, then ‘yun na, the end of the world na.

Basta ang naaalala ko nang husto noon yung palabas sa TV tungkol sa isang lalaki na nakakapang-gamot ng sakit, etc. Propeta daw siya (sa pagkakatanda ko) at ipinalagay niya na matatapos na ang mundo at nagsabi siya ng petsa para dun.

Noong ipinapakita sa TV yung teaser para sa palabas na yun, natatakot ako. Kasi may mga kalansay na nag-e-espadahan, tapos meron pang bubuka daw ang lupa at kakainin or ililibing daw nang buhay ang mga tao…. Basta noong time na yun, yun ang umookupa sa isip ko. (Yun, tsaka Sesame Street. Ahehe).

Somehow, yung takot na yun na matatapos na ang mundo, na-associate ko sa Nanay ko. Inakala ko noon na ang Nanay ko ay 75 years old na, at dahil ilang taon na lang ay magiging 100 na siya, ikinatakot ko na malapit na siya mamatay.

Natatandaan ko pa noon, tinanong kami ng teacher namin kung alam daw ba namin kung ilang taon na ang mga magulang namin. Nasabi ko ata nang malakas na, “Ang nanay ko 75 na.” Nagtawanan ang mga kaklase ko…kasi yung mga nanay daw nila nasa 30+ years old lang. So yung nanay ko, mas matanda pa daw sa lola nila. At that point ata, dun ko na-realize na mali ang mga naiisip ko at walang basehan yung mga ikinakatakot ko. Basta ang alam ko, pagdating ng Grade 2, hindi ko na ata iniisip yung mga yun.

Pero nitong mga huling araw, parang nao-obssess ako sa subject ng katapusan ng mundo. Kasi nga may mga prophesies daw na ang katapusang daw ng mundo ay sa darating na December 21, 2012. That’s several months from now. I don’t know exactly how to see it or how to feel about it. Kasi, may scientific bases daw.

Andami kong tanong: Gaano ba katotoo yung mga scientific bases na yun? Or dapat pa bang kuwestiyonin kung totoo nga ba ang mga scientific bases ng mga prophesies since nariyan at nariyan naman palagi ang mga prophesies and nag-e-evolve din ang “basehan” nila para maka-convince?

Or maybe, the ancient writings have been true all along, and scientific inquiry is finally catching up in finding their veracity?

Or perhaps these ancient writings (or prophesies) just happen to jive (i.e. most of them, if not all, point to December 2012 as the end of life as we know it) and, thus “consolidated,” they now hold sway on our thinking, even that of our scientists, thus affecting their objectivity in going about their work?

Thinking about this now, I wonder if we can still go on boldly to dream about the future, or at least make plans for 2013. Is it wise to abandon any “professional” pursuits in favor of more “family togetherness,” more meditation, more work toward goodwill and compassion and humanity (at least until January 1, 2013)? Now, even I suspect my own motives for doing any of these things. I mean, would I be doing any of those things just so I could save my spiritual “ass” (for lack of a better expression)?

But then again, if I have just a couple of months to live, what would I do with them? Would I rather be with my family and loved ones as much as possible and let them know how much I love them? Or would I rather go out there and experience as much “earthly sensations” (ahehe) since I’d be losing this earthly life soon?

Of course, making a choice on this should come easy for anyone who truly knows himself. Basta ang concern ko, or rather one of my concerns, that is, is would I have lived my life on Earth in vain? Hmmm....


(note: The painting above is called "The Triumph of Death" by Pieter Bruegel the Elder.)

Poetry

(my journal entry dated January 31, 2012, a Tuesday)

It took me a while before I set pen to paper. I don’t know what to write. Not knowing what to write somewhat paralyzes me. Or rather, makes me hesitant to begin. But here, I take the plunge anyway. Ingglisero ako ngayon, ano?

I’ve been reading Shakespeare. “Hamlet,” in particular. I just wanted to check out who among the Hamlet characters said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Good thing I have this book, “Brush up on your Shakespeare,” so my research didn’t take me that long.

At the onset kasi I almost read the entire play just looking for that quote and who said it. And my Hamlet book isn’t “friendly” enough so I was struggling with following the flow of the conversations. But then, when I went to the bathroom this morning, ayun, everything just “loosened up.” And I mean EVERYTHING. Ahehe. I’m kinda getting the hang of it now.

Yung version kasi ng book ko, may vocabulary words sa left page. So, yun muna ang ginagawa ko. Binabasa ko muna yung vocabulary words, then I proceed reading the flow of the play on the right page. I still struggle. But, nay, not as much as I’m wont with the unfamiliar. Hehe.

Sabi ng ibang kaibigan ko, meron daw time na Shakespearean ang dila ko. Yun yung nalasing ako one time. Of course, I was aware of it. But it’s nothing beyond the usual, really. It’s just like what I do here. Except that time, I was talking a lot, and I gave my imagination free rein and was expressing them in English, with here and there thrown words like “perchance,” “forsooth,” “nay,” “wherefore,” “art,” “thou,” “wherefore art thou”….  Hehehe. But really, it wasn’t Shakespearean; it was just pompous English, nothing more.

So…who was it who said, “Brevity is the soul of wit”? It was Polonius, King Claudius’ right-hand man. (King Claudius is Hamlet’s stepfather and chief villain in the play).

Ma-epal itong si Polonius. Mahilig pang dumakdak. Kung si Hamlet trip na trip magsalita mag-isa (soliloquy), itong si Polonius may sermonitis—mahilig mag-sermon. So when Shakespeare assigned to this character the quote, “Brevity is the soul of wit,” the bard was being ironic.

Bakit? Kasi, Polonius’ lines prior to the famous line are not so brief, unang-una. Pangalawa, they weren’t necessary. I mean, if you have to be brief and witty about something, you just drop the bomb, right? “Brevity is the soul of wit. Your son is mad.” Or, “I’ll be short and sweet: your performance stinks.”

But then, where is the drama in lines like that, right? Or, at least, the poetry (or the elements thereof)? Sa tingin ko, tinamad na lang itong si Shakespeare dito. Naisip siguro nya, “This Polonius guy is a parrot anyway, so I’ll just give him parrot talk and insert therein my soon-to-be-famous ‘Brevity is the soul of wit’ line.” Hah-hah-hah.

I mean, you have poems that “rhyme and reason”; and then there are poems that don’t make sense at all, yet you enjoy them anyway (e.g. “The Owl and the Pussycat”). A bad poem, I think, is one that merely states the obvious. It merely expounds on things that even the most average eyes can see. The sky is blue. The sun is hot. Duh. 

Or, “There are people dying (oh, it’s time to lend a hand….).” Or, “There are people dying (if you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me).” Well, yes, it made plenty of money for Michael Jackson. But just this once, I’d like to bring it up for an argument. After all, this is my blog, right?

One doesn’t have to say anything new. I mean, it would really be great if you could, but mainly, to be a poet, one only has to have a new way of saying things. Or at least, have an imaginative way of saying things and turn the ordinary into something extraordinary. “This sky is the blue of her brown eyes. All dark now, it rains tears on me.” Ok, gasgas na yun. Cheesy pa. Taste will have to figure in.

Medyo subjective nga lang itong taste. Like, you know, Quentin Tarantino has a taste for Filipino movies, while most in the “A” crowd of Philippine society don’t. Or some US-oriented Pinoys find Pinoy culture baduy, while most hard-nut Pinoy nationalists find colonial mentality in all its forms and guises “jologs.” (The latter statement, of course, is not supported by statistical proof, btw).

I think one way to acquire taste is immersion in the targeted subject. Immersion in Shakespeare, for example.  Immersion in art. Immersion in technology, or biology, etc. And, if you must acquire a taste for something, your objectivity will have to suffer, I think. Your rationality will have to take the background. It will have to shut up as you do as the Romans do, when in Rome.

In the end, you will have to imbibe all this immersion (including all aspects thereof—color, taste, etc.) in your memory. Yet again, it’s our memory that helps set our standards and decides our uniqueness.  Chapter!

Malice in Wonderland

(excerpt from my blog entry dated January 12, 2012, a Thursday)

I was, one time, crouching on the floor while talking to my two-year-old nieces. They’re barely three feet tall. And looking up around me, I could see the world from their vantage point, the same vantage point I had when I was a kid their size. It’s amazing how you, grown up as you are, forget these things, and how your mind filled with wonder and imaginings, and how the smallest playroom could be the widest room in the world.

It is easy to get “lost” in your world when you are that tall (or short). So what do you do? Well, you get lost (assuming, of course, that you have your current sensibilities). Go here and there with wonder and excitement (assuming that you’re not arthritic or rheumatic or what?), exploring the world, can’t wait to be all grown up, wanting to see what’s beyond the walls and fences that surround you.

But with our size and having grown up and known a bit about travel (how much it costs, how far or how long to get there, and what obstacles would be on the way), we sometimes(?) tend to focus on the tediousness of travel, preferring to lie down or sit back in a comfortable bedding or chair. Respectively, of course. Hehe.

But then, there are those who would prefer to be childlike still, and still wonder about what else is there beyond the bigger “fence,” the seemingly insurmountable boundaries surrounding us.

And so, we fly.

I wonder if we’d ever be satisfied, being up there, seeing things from such a high vantage point, where the distance between here and the nearest sea has been reduced to just a few inches of measure between the thumb and forefinger of our right hand (or left, if you prefer).

As I see it, it is a good thing that we cannot fly all the time. We humans, with our general incapacity to be content, would keep on wondering and wandering. For as you grow older, malice fills your heart. Is there anything worse for an explorer than to be filled with both wonder and malice at the same time?

So, yes, it is a good thing that we cannot grow really really tall whenever we want to, or fly up in the sky whenever we fancy it. The birds have the best of both views. And it is only right, I think, that they are given that privilege. Because they have no malice.

Such living permits them no permanency of home and possessions. No real estate to be jealous about. Just the permanency of habits, I guess, flying here when a season comes, and flying there when the season changes. (I wonder if the migrating patterns of birds changed this year).

And yes, of course, the bird songs. At certain times of the day (or night), you can hear them (if yours is a place that welcomes them, that is). Morning vocal exercises, finding the worms and insects that nourish them and their young. I wonder if they ever think of death.

Danger—I think they most probably think that. All the time, I suppose. The prey—predator system applies to them, yes; but death—would that be something they’d ponder on? I mean, it’s tragic, yes. But it’s not totally “not dismissible,” right?

But if there be no thought of death for them, and no thought of achievement either (other than being able to successfully go through life’s cycle of growth and reproduction), does that account for the absence of malice in them?

But then again, if they were crocodiles (or at least as big as crocodiles), I’d probably think differently. Surely, there MUST BE such a thing as malice in the animal kingdom. It just so happens that human malice is what we understand more, despite being vastly more complicated. I guess I have just been romanticizing the birds too much. Chapter!