Such is life

(my journal entry dated January 5, 2012, a Thursday)

Last night, I thought I said an apt prayer summing up my situation. I had asked God for help with the fulfillment of my tasks/purpose in life, going around my inadequacies/distractions. Although it’s not really remarkable because I’ve said similar prayers before, I just thought it was special in a way because it summed up a bargain between God and me.

I read somewhere that it’s not so wise to “bargain”…how was it again?…ah, yes, it’s not so wise to bargain and make commitments when there are easier ways to go about a certain “entanglement.”

So, is this life an entanglement of some sort? That’s not fair. There is as much happiness and opportunities and love and friends this life has to offer that it’s not fair to view life as one big entanglement. I’d like to think it’s one huge playground–a learning playground. And other “players” play with you and you should do your share in the play.

I have not been able to post new blog entries lately. Naiinis kasi ako sa sulat ko sa nauna kong journal. Sobrang liit and masakit sa mata, and transcribing them (or rather, encoding them on the computer) is a punishing “stunt”—for lack of a better term.

Where has this writing gone to? I am writing very slowly. Spontaneously, but slowly. I’d like to think that I am true to the aims of the morning pages. What the heck? Let’s just play. In the fields of the Lord, so says one book.

I have listed down my “to do” lineup for today (and the next several days). I’m quite happy that I’ve started with my small notebook for my fancies—the ideas or any other interesting concepts or notions that come to me, I write them down in this little notebook. And then I have this other “bigger” notebook, although not as big as this journal, where I can freewrite to develop those notions.

I might change or buy another notebook in place of the one I asked my sister to buy for me. Now that I’m writing here, I can see a huge difference between writing in cheap notebooks and writing in quality notebooks like this journal. Nakakagana magsulat! What else?

Isn’t that ironic? I just said, “Nakakagana magsulat,” tapos I follow it up with “What else?” indicating that I’ve run out of things to write. Funny. Well, what ELSE?

Take things in stride. Don’t hurry up so badly. You will do more when you do things at your own pace. YOUR pace. Not anyone else’s. The important thing is you’re doing them. You’ve begun to do them. Be kind to yourself. Be understanding. All right.

By the way, it wasn’t me who wrote down the last couple of sentences—the ones that are aphoristic. I just wrote down what was “dictated” to me. Thank you, whoever you are. You’re welcome. Ahehe. Oh brother! I’m turning into a nut bar. Hehe.

But it makes sense, taking things at my pace—not necessarily slow but not so hurried either. I welcome all the distractions in my life, all the disturbances—for such is life! There’s no need for me to hurry and finish up this page, like how I used to do in previous entries when I couldn’t wait to get to the last line of the page. I guess I’m turning into a gentle writer now, more assured at my own pace. Nawa ay huwag ma-jinx. Ahehe.

Like the Kung fu master in “The Drunken Master” movies. He fights in a slower manner—slow but forceful and with grace—it’s almost a dance. A dance. Perhaps we should go through life (or at least everyday life) like a dance. The more mundane tasks relegated to set dance steps (or choreography), and not be worried about or fuss about them unnecessarily. That’s right. If genius is in the head, why can’t its memory be in the body? It’s sad that this is the last line for this page. Chapter!