The Good that We Do

(journal entry dated August 31, 2012, a Friday)

I’m writing this around 4:30 in the afternoon. ‘Di ako nakapagsulat kanina kasi pagkagising ko, diretso agad ako sa apartment namin kasi may kinontrata ako na karpintero para gumawa ng bubong. Dami kasing tulo. Napadaan tuloy ako kina Aling Hermie. Siya ‘yung namatayan ng asawa kelan lang.

Almost a month has passed since namatay ‘yung asawa niya and hanggang ngayon nahihirapan pa rin daw siya. Umiiyak pa rin daw siya. Kanina nga, nagkukuwento siya, umiiyak siya. Wala lang. Syempre, andun pa rin yung pakikiramay ko.

She was very accommodating. Pinainom niya kami ng iced tea. Dati kasi, kapag napapadaan kami, hindi siya ganun ka-maasikaso. Madaldal lang siya. Pero kanina, parang gustong-gusto niyang may nakakausap, kakwentuhan. Nahihingahan ng sama ng loob.

I fell to thinking while she talked. Nababanggit niya kasi si Nanay every now and then. Mabait daw si Nanay.

Naalala ko ‘yung sinabi ni Dolphy noon nang in-interview siya ni Jessica Soho. In effect, sabi niya, mas okay daw na iwanan mo ang mundo na marami ang natutuwa sa iyo, na maraming naging “blessed” kasi naging parte ka ng buhay nila. Kesa naman daw namatay ka, tapos when someone mentions your name, people go “Yuck!” Ahehe.

When I was watching that interview, I was like, “Would a dead man care at all if he was liked in life? Mararamdaman o maa-appreciate pa ba niya ‘yun kapag patay na siya?”

No, I wasn’t being cynical. I was just wondering…about people who lived their lives according to their own rules and not cared about whether people liked them or not.  Honestly, I still think THAT is the way to live. But now, I’m seeing things in a light that’s more…I don’t know…more kindly? More thoughtful? More caring?

I thought of Shakespeare. “The evil that men do lives after them.” True.

But then, my overactive imagination took it a step further and imagined, what if the evil that a man does actually does live—becomes alive—and personified? Like someone did something really bad, and that bad deed gains a life of its own, a personality that lives and breathes and acts out more evil.

Parang si Dr. Frankenstein and his monster. And after creating that monster, only then do you see the big picture. You see the monster holding up a mirror to you, and it reflects all that you have become—regardless of your good intentions.

Of course, we can’t all be saints. But I’m thinking, if we are to live life according to OUR rules, why not focus on the rules that, while do not bring about good, do not bring about evil either? AT LEAST. Yep. Parang cowardly, ano? I don’t know. “Just do it” is still the best, most open advice there is.

Everytime someone who knew my mother talks with us about her, they have only nice things to say. Well, maybe Nanay “just did it,” as the Nike ad said. And whatever it was she made of her life, overall it came out good.

Hopefully, the good that we do in this life will live on after us, just as well as—if not more than—the evil that we do.