My spirituality

(excerpted from my journal entry dated November 13, 2011, a Sunday)

Last night (a Saturday) was the first time in many months that I heard Mass again. “Napilitan” ako magsimba kasi nagpa-drive sa akin ng kotse si Ate Cynthia kasama mga pamangkin ko. Maggo-grocery daw sila konti, then simba na. Ok…

I think my spirituality clings to two Gospel passages. I don’t know the chapter and verse numbers (although now I’m realizing that I should memorize them), pero they are about (1) doing what we have to do in this life* and (2) establishing a relationship with God “in spirit and in truth.”**


The second one Jesus made known when He said to the Samaritan woman at the well that the time will come when we no longer have to go to Jerusalem or anywhere else to worship God, because by then wherever we are, whatever our circumstance, we will worship God in spirit and in truth. On these passages I base my Christian spirituality. Syempre, given na dun yung Golden Rule at yung first two commandments ng Sampung Utos.

I don’t go to Church every Sunday, not because I don’t consider it important. If it’s important and beneficial to many people (for their spirituality) then I suppose, individualist as I am, I am nonetheless duty-bound to understand and even defend it. I mean, it’s important to me, too, but not in the same sense that it’s important for the devout—let’s get that clear right away.


I don’t worship in Church often because, knowing myself, I know I’d get easily distracted. By so many things. Mostly, by my own attitude. I don’t like taking baths as I’ve often said, and you might ask, can’t you go to Church without taking a bath? Yes, of course. But then I’d be conscious about the way I smell, so much so that I won’t get to focus at all. Ambabaw, ano?

But I think the deeper reason for this is that in our culture, we tend to worship God out of a sense of obligation—every Sunday, at this time, at this place, with this kind of demeanor, an adherence to certain dress codes, etc. I can understand that, simply because at Church services, you don’t worship alone—you worship in communion with others. And so you don’t run the risk of offending people, what with the way you dress up or the way you smell (in case you didn’t take a bath or brush your teeth—another very trivial, albeit important, thing for me). Hay.

But I’ve made it a habit to pray everyday. Every morning when I wake up, every night before going to sleep, and syempre before meals. In between these, I worship under so many varied circumstances. I’ve worshipped while in the bathroom, while in bed, on the bus or jeepney, even while doing leg lifts and ab crunches. Irreverent ba? But then what is reverence?

Out of social obligations, you adhere to reverence. I mean dumating si Mayor o di kaya si Pnoy sa bahay nyo, what do you do? You welcome them with reverence, right? So basically what is reverence? Fear of overstepping your social boundaries? I don’t want to worship God with that! I want to worship God with love and honesty and adoration. Pag may dumalaw bang artista sa bahay nyo and lubos mong hinahangaan at minamahal yung artistang yun, do you go about welcoming that artista with reverence? Duh! You scream with joy, right? You express your elation, your joy over seeing them for the first time. You want to hug them and kiss them. Man, if you did that in Church… I don’t know. Cross the bridge and you’ll know for yourself. Ahehe.

But in fairness to worshipping in Church, I love singing Church songs. Minsan nga yun lang ang pinakaaabangan ko e (bukod sa Gospel reading). Why? Because I become more “up there” when I sing. I feel I worship God more when I sing. Sabi nga ni St. Augustine, he who sings prays twice. Well, it’s true. At least, for me, I don’t know about you… But I guess it’s the same thing with this journal. Writing here, I have the privilege to be irreverent and oblivious enough not to care whether wrong grammar ako or my logic is somewhat twisted. It’s MY journal. In the same manner, it’s MY relationship with God. And I believe God loves me for being me (the me that I’m realizing with the help of this journal), not because I adhere to whatever every Tom, Dick and Harry should be like.

As for the first basis of my faith (doing what we have to do in this life), I still am trying to discern that. On that one, I follow my instincts. God gave me the ability to write, ergo I write. God gave me drawing and painting skills, so I draw and paint. What else? I suppose God also gave me my own brand of sensitivity to and perception of things and people and happenings around me—what do I do with them? Channel them to willing minds, I guess. With so much noise out there what with people speaking their minds out all the time, I don’t see why I can’t add my own voice. There are some nonsensical things I write here. Hopefully, this one makes sense. Amen! Chapter muna!

*Luke 12:47–48

**John 4:21–24